My junior said she admired me for making a big decision of letting go of what I had and that I seemed to have found my purpose in life, and how she, on the other hand, is feeling lost.
She’s wrong.
I’m lost too, and I am choked. I’m regretting. I knew I would have regrets, either way, and I have decided that the regret of leaving would be lighter than the regret of staying. I just didn’t consider the regret of failing.
As I’m falling, and at loss, with such pressure, and bitten lips, I am desperately wishing that I could share what’s inside my broken dam. It crossed my mind that the one on the other side of the wire, that I’ve been knocking to fortnightly, would be able to hear me, but I guess one cannot put too much hope, huh. But I guess the water just evaporates before much of it could flood the field.
I just wish that the vapors can reach the heavens. I have no words for you too.
Don’t admire me. I’m lost too, you know.
Why am I just making entries when I am sad. I can laugh so much too.
Jakarta,
Tuesday, 12 April 2011, 11:54PM
-me-
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